For the first three years of our marriage, Ben and I had pretty predictable schedules. We both worked full time jobs, had breakfast and coffee together in the morning, and took turns making dinner at home in the evenings. After dinner, I’d work in my studio while Ben would relax, go for a bike ride, or play his X-Box in our game room. We both pitched in with the household duties, like cleaning and doing the laundry. We didn’t have a set schedule, necessarily, but our tasks were done together and in a timely manner. Since it was just the two of us, there wasn’t much cleaning to do: we both ate lunch at work during the week, so there were only dinner dishes to clean up. We didn’t have to do laundry all but once a week, and we both picked up after ourselves so our house wasn’t much of a mess. I’d say we put in maybe 6 hours a week of housework and that was including the outdoor maintenance, like cutting the grass, weeding and snow shoveling in the winter.

 But after Chloe was born everything changed. Ben still works his regular 8-4:30pm job, while I’m a WAHM mom. Being a mom is hard. Being a work at home designer is hard. Coupled with my type-A personality and my desire to please everyone, I found myself with little to no family time, absolutely no personal time, and answering client emails during the very short naps Chloe took instead of catching up on sleep. And forget date night. I couldn’t tell you when we did something by ourselves the first year of her life.

 
Who wants to clean when there’s this cute little face to look at?

For the first year of Chloe’s life, our household was utter chaos. I ignored housework and let the laundry pile up, then felt overwhelmed when I was doing six loads at once. We had fallen off the meal planning wagon, so we were eating a lot of take out and not feeling so great about our bodies and health. We had no routine or established order around here and we both felt completely out of control… but really didn’t know how to get back on track. Our first step to establishing routine and household balance was hiring a part-time caregiver. It gave me the opportunity to set and establish routine and order with my business. Once I felt like I had that under control, I could work on getting the rest of my house under control.

Someone once told me that trying to clean with a toddler is like brushing your teeth with oreos, and I think that’s absolutely true. I always felt like I was cleaning in circles and nothing was getting accomplished. I would get the dishes done only to discover that Chloe had torn apart the living room… and after I picked up all those toys, I’d realize that she’d gotten into the cat food and spilled it everywhere. Something had to give. This past April, we replaced the flooring in our living area and it gave us a great opportunity to sort through all of Chloe’s toys since we had to move everything. Dust got *everywhere* and also forced me to deep clean the kitchen and our bedrooms, even though we had shut the doors and put up plastic. Chloe and I were staying at my parents’ house that weekend while my husband and dad worked on the floors, and my mom offered to watch Chloe one day while I went home and cleaned. Since then, we’ve taken every measure possible to keep the house in tip top shape. I vacuum, dust and mop the hardwood floor every morning, and usually vacuum several more times throughout the day. With a toddler and two cats it’s inevitable. We’re back to meal planning and grocery shopping weekly. I’ve given Chloe a few toddler-friendly chores since she loves to help, and now that she’s old enough to self-entertain I can get a lot more cleaning done in a shorter amount of time. My husband, of course, does his fair share around the house hold. He’s mainly responsible for outdoor maintenance, but recently taught me how to mow the grass and I discovered how much I enjoy it! We both take care of the gardening and bought Chloe her own tiny pink shovel so she can help, too.

 

Here’s a rough idea of our shared duties:  
Mrs:
– Basic childcare during the day (playing, diapers, meals, naps).
 – Laundry (wash/fold/put away) . This is done on an as-needed basis. I always wait until the laundry basket is full, then run a load. If I do this in the evening, Ben will help me.
– Unload dishwasher each morning. I generally run the dishwasher in the evenings, but it doesn’t always work out like that. 
– Daily cleaning (dusting, vacuuming, bathrooms, floors, washing windows). With two cats and a toddler, it’s inevitable that this needs to get done daily. I hardly put away my vacuum anymore!
– General household clean up. Chloe’s toys need picked up throughout the day, every day!
– Scheduling my own appointments. Things like dentist, doctor, etc.
– Filing personal and business taxes.  

Mr:
– Basic childcare during the evening (diapers, dinner, bath-time, bedtime). He’s a very hands on dad the minute he gets home from work! This also gives me a bit of time to myself in the evening to read a book and relax.
– Cooks dinner several times a week. He is a far better cook than me!
– Car care and maintenance. He washes, details and takes care of minor car issues on both our cars.– House repairs and maintenance. He does all the DIY remodeling in our household.
– Lawn care and maintenance. Mows the lawn, shovels the snow.
– Cat grooming and care. You couldn’t pay me to brush their fur or trim their nails! Plus, I’m allergic.– Deep cleaning (He flips our mattress so we can vacuum under the bed, then moves bedroom furniture so we can vacuum, etc). We do this bi-weekly.
– Scheduling his own appointments.

Shared:
– We share parenting responsibilities in the evenings, though he does do bath and bedtime. We also share parenting responsibilities on the weekends.
– We share deep cleaning responsibilities, and try to do them bi-weekly. We installed the hardwood floors in the house to help battle my allergies, so it’s pretty important that we keep on top of cleaning! – We meal plan together and usually try to plan out one to two weeks at a time. I clip all the coupons, put the grocery list together, and then he will go shopping after Chloe’s gone to bed. We’d normally take her with us, but she’s been naughty lately and it’s been so much easier to go shopping without her.
– Pay our household bills. While most of the household cleaning responsibilities fall on my shoulders (I do the bulk of the housework during the day), he does help pick up the house every evening with me. He also takes initiative to do deep cleaning.  

How do you split household responsibilities? Did it change once you had children?